The Rondell Reader Jenkins Journal Tumblr Edition Wild Kingdom
Behold the wonders of the Odobenus rosmorus! Or as y’all simple people out there call them, walrus. Now if there go more than one walrus, that called walri (it don’t make sense to me either, but you know some white person come up with that). The walrus has played an important role in the cultures of many Arctic peoples, like Eskimos and shit. Them bajiggity-ass Eskimo fools live in ice and I’ve heard they use them walrus teeth to chip away at that ice to make a home called an igloo. The walrus resides pretty much in shallow waters, and he spend a bunch of he life on sea ice hunting down some shit called benthic bivalve mollusks (I think that mean snails or something). However, Mr. Walrus is also known to favor corn on the cob, barbecued ribs, and Boston baked beans. The males reach sexual maturity as early as 7 years, but do not normally try to bump uglies with a female until they full grown around when they 15 years of age. Shit y’ all, ain’t nobody savored Rondell’s cherry pie until the mature age of 22! Look to me like them walri be dirty lil’ sluts and could use a little Jesus up in they lives. N-e-tut, there were roughly 200,000 Pacific Walruses according to the most recent (1990) census-based estimate. For real though, them census takers count them walri too and gotta go all the way up to the North Pole? I wonder if they go by Santa’s house and count them elves. N-e-hoo, I hope y’ all learned something new today.